#Diarie letters from hatfield and mccoy how to
Those dikes really want to impress me AND THEY KNOW HOW TO DO IT TOO.
Maybe it was the…oh shit I have two more shots of tequila. I think this is why my friends invite me to bars and pay for me to drink:ġ) I somehow manage to get them laid (Mccoy is fucking THIS CLOSE TO BRINGING HOME A LITTLE HOTTIE AND IT'S BECAUSE I SET HIM UP YEAH YEAH!)Ģ) I somehow manage to insult the FUCK out of the cabbie who drives us home (like last night I told the fucker that his wife isn't great in bed and he was this close to kicking us out of the cab until)ģ) I somehow manage to throw up…and throwing up is funny when people who act sophisticated all the time do it.īut I feel strangely ok right now. Nor do you Poetry you fun-loving ballsack of words. Thanks wikipedia: your antics never cease to make me appear more intelligent than I am! I had to Google both of them to find out if I spelled their names left. Or King Ramses II, who reigned for 67 years. I guess the only thing you can say about romance is that it's dead. That's the truest form of romance there is, GODDAMNIT. I wonder why poetry never has got me laid. Pluck that shit, cunt! I can still see it…? I think one has bleach-blonde facial hair.
My little brother is cool too! Seriously, he's a helluva soccer and baseball player. She's such a cool chick man I tell you, I'm glad she's a ball buster because I couldn't deal with my sister being a slut. That's sad considering we're so close in age (10 months yeah do the math my parents are horny). Where is Ash Tray anyways? I haven't seen her in months. My sister could do so much better than these sluts. I guess because they think my sister is gay that I'm going to get her to be all up in their shit. Well tough nuts bitch, I don't let my friends look at my sister, let alone you skeezy– look they did buy me my shots. They said that Ashley had a sense of humor like mine. Ever notice how some vaginas are inherently repulsive? Like labia that droops down to the bitch's knee caps or a clitoris that looks like a black man's penis? That stupid bitch kept calling herself Antwann. I actually think that it might work, but then…a bottle would imply that it's tight. Oh God I make me quiver.ĭoes that work for a euphemism for vagina? A bottle? A quivering bottle? A quivering bottle filled with tequila and vaginal extract…would you drink it? I would. If women diddn't have vaginas!!!! I would so be like ‘I'M SAVIN MY MONEY FOR FOOD.” And then I would buy a steak and happily not worry about sticking my junk into a bottle of pink, soft flesh. I'm sure she's going to be pissed when two lesbians write on her facebook wall tomorrow, asking to have sex or whatever dikes do.įuck, I hate women. That really sucks for Ash! hahahahahahahaha. I hit on them and they told me that they're gay and I was like, “Oh, it's cool…my sister is gay.” Then they were like who is your sister and I was like “Ashley Gaudio” and they were like “Oh, we know Ashley! She's gay?!!!” Let's see…if by the end of this article, if those dikes actually do it…I'll give them my dick.įunny story though: I told them that my sister is gay. Whoa so some lesbians just offered to buy me a shot. (In Texas, there are only steers and queers). There isn't even salt to add to the beer HERE. It'd probably stop bothering me if there were actually lights in here and not this FUCKING blue techno horseshit. Little bastard!!!! It keeps flying around the screen. I mean, whatever.ĭid you know that most bars don't stock Natural Light? I think that's somewhat retarded, given the fact that–oh shit there's a moth in here. I don't particularly care, because right then, I'm recycled. Talk about alienating me from the once-good possibility of getting laid tonight. I say…”typing.” This is frustratin them, 1) because I'm alone and 2) because honestly, I'm holding myself. I'm wasted! on a buddy's laptop at a bar, no shit. I'm trying to make it through a complete article while maintaining some semblance of drama. I can tell that I'm wasted because I've had to type both of these sentences, along with the title of this article four times before getting it left. I don't think I'm going to reread it either. So, I'm obviously not drunk right now, but I figured I'd post this just for shits.
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